“In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.” – William Blake
I’m going to print that on a sticker so I can put it on my water bottle. And my skis. It’s such a fantastic quote for ski bums since winter is almost our favorite season.
Wait – Almost?
Yes – Almost. There is only one season that reigns supreme to a ski bum: Ski season. Duh.
See, ski bums suffer from something called Ski Seasonal Affective Disorder. It means that year round we have skiing on the brain. Winter is way too short of a time frame to get all of our skiing in. So ski season also encompasses spring, fall, and if you are a resourceful ski bum, summer too. I’m not saying I get 365 days of skiing in a year, [OK, I'm not gonna lie: if I had a sugar daddy, I would.] I’m just saying that us ski bums have a whole set of seasons of our own, no matter what seasonal backdrop your sexy firemen are standing in front of.
Here’s how it goes:
- Ski Season generally December – March, November, April and May if you hike, June – October with a lot more effort/frequent flier miles — Ideally the weather is snowy. Activities include coming out of the wood work and reuniting with all your ski buddies, skiing as much as possible, maybe some yoga, increased beer consumption. Skiing can take up so much time that things like work, household chores and friends who don’t ski will just have to wait.
- Snowliage October, November – When the air is crisp and so are the leaves. Activities include making sure ski pants still fit, taking health and fitness very seriously for about a week, increased Ibuprofen consumption. There really isn’t enough snow on the ground to go skiing, but the bragging rights earned with turns this early are worth it.
- January Thaw Any time between December – February – When temperatures warm enough for the skiing to suck, but not enough for it to be “nice” weather. Activities include increased whiskey consumption, desperate acts of hiking for crappy turns, bitching and crying. Usually people are just too depressed to ski during January Thaw.
- Mud Season March, April, May — When temperatures roller coaster around 32 degrees and any form of precipitation is likely. Activities include hiking for turns, increased maple syrup consumption, running out of wiper fluid. The skiing during mud season will often require mandatory water bar jumps and grass skiing, but it’s 100% worth it when the bumps are corned to perfection and it just peels away as you turn.
- Tourist Season Most easily gauged by tallying the In State/Out of State plates ratio in the parking lot of the ski area – Picture-perfect weather is ideal. Activities of locals during tourist season include working 70 hour weeks, [thanks for tipping your ski instructors and wait staff!] trying not to curse at the clearly lost out-of-state driver in the way, increased caffeine consumption. Longer lift lines/jobs keep locals away. Locals who do ski are usually wearing Ski School, Patrol or other mountain staff coats.
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Beermingos
Party Season Year round with a focus on warmer weather days and weekends — Activities include being jovial with friends, increased [pick your poison] consumption, wearing unusual ski outfits, breaking out the shotski and beermingo. Skiing during party season is fun, no matter what the conditions are. Well-defined goggle tans are a common sign of this season.
- End of the Season Hopefully not until at least April — The non-skiing friendly weather often starts out in a depressing, January Thaw kind of way, but soon warms up and dries out enough to be pleasant. Activities include packing away ski gear, a little crying, doing all the chores that were put off during ski season, visiting non-skiing buddies, scouring assorted ski shop sales for good deals on gear, increased ice cream consumption. Skiing is replaced with ”off-season” sports and summer concert tours.
- Can’t wait ’til Next Season Hopefully not longer than April – November – Basically the same as above. Additional activities include watching ski porn, having ski dreams, increased toxic fume consumption due to burning skis in bonfires in the name of Ullr, trying to get into “skiing shape,” getting out ski gear as soon as the temperatures hit the 50s.
So you see, for those of us with SSAD it is always ski season. Hiking for turns, waiting in ridiculous lines for lift serve pow, thumbing the pass, scoring a spot on a buddy’s helicopter trip, being accused of dancing like you’re skiing, doing a shotski… If you or anyone you know has done these things, you too may have SSAD. Talk to your doctor tomorrow and go skiing today.
